A Danger to Self & Others

7 10 2008

At Ben’s request, here is me at my alcoholic worst.  It was a struggle to chose just one when the options are so plentiful:

  • Getting mistaken for a prostitute by cops in London. 
  • “Breaking it in” party – where we actually broke in the door. Serious. We shattered the doorframe.
  • Last Halloween’s wastoid face plant outside the capitol building that ripped my shirt  – completely exposing my rack (much less attractive when the girl’s face is bleeding & she remains completely unaware).
  • Reader beware: if you are male, you might hate me after reading this.


    A little introduction:
    The summer after studying/working in London I tried (and failed) to maintain my tolerance.  In London, we partied nonstop, and 5 straight shots of vodka was considered pre-game.  Being home meant ZERO alcohol as I was only 20 & living with my strict parents.  Unfortunately, I figured my tolerance would remain the same despite the 2months sans alcohol. (ah to be young & stupid!)

    Mr. Opportunity studied London same the semester. We were no more than poker buddies with a common high school.  When we went abroad, we realized we had tons in common and met up in central on several occasions.  Lots in common – but no spark.  When we returned stateside, he showed interest (which I encouraged until I met Indie).  By the time of this story, I had told him twice already that I only wanted to be friends.


    Music Festival Mishaps
    My cousin (aka former Roomie) invited me down to the city for a weekend during the huge two week long music festival.  Our game plan was to drink-til-drunk at the boyfriend’s and then walk to the festival grounds to catch some band or other.  CL & Mr.Opportunity joined us.

    7:00 – Vodka mixed drinks & vodka shots – heavy on the vodka. I was determined to show off my rockin tolerance.  Sure enough, I could still drink vodka like water.  Rum & gin were introduced to the night.  I remained seated for the majority of this time – excepting a few dance offs to Africa by Toto.   Mr.Opportunity used his position seated next to me to continually try to put his arm around me.  I’d swat it away every time.

    Drink count: NINE

    9:30 – We downed our last drinks before heading to the festival.  We are all wasted, but I’m the worst. My last full memory is of nearly falling as I stood up & grabbed my purse.  From here on out the story is what I’ve been told by CL, Roomie, & Mr. Opportunity. 

    Mr.O takes charge of walking me to the festival grounds.  As we walk & talk, he keeps putting his arm around me and trying to kiss me.  I have a fleeting memory of standing in the middle of the sidewalk makeing out with him then pushing him away and telling him off for kissing me.  This happened all night. He’d kiss me – I’d go along with it – Push him away – Get angry & Tell him off – He’d kiss me again… and on and on.

    10:00 – The gate to the grounds is in sight. It suddenly occurs to me that my purse is no longer on my shoulder.  It’s GONE. I yell to alert group to this disaster, take off my flipflops & bolt in the opposite direction.

    10-11:00 – Spent chasing around the edge of the grounds trying to find the woman who had found my purse and brought it to the police setup.  CL & Mr.O were holding me up.  Roomie & her boyfriend were in ExtremeFightMode.

    11:30 – Get purse back. It still has my Coach wallet, credit cards, social security card, digital camera, & cell phone.  Missing:  $50 cash.

    Roomie chases her boyfriend home where they scream & chuck shoes at each other before having sex & passing out.

    CL & Mr. O attempt to get a cab.  This whole time I am still in the cyclical Makeout/TellOff/Makeout/TellOff.  (encourage/discourage? crazy much?)

    Midnight – Cab arrives.  As we drive to Mr. O’s apt, I proceed to tell him off again for touching/kissing/bothering me.  To express my anger, I punch him in the junk. 

    Yes. You can hate me now.

    12:20 – There’s a party happening at Mr.O’s place.  I spend time in the bathroom puking my guts out while CL tells me nice things. She helps me brush my teeth, and we go back out to the party.

    2:00ish – Three of us crash in Mr.O’s room.  He & I are sharing his air mattress (classy) and CL curls up on the floor in a corner.   The corner complains “omg. Will you two STOP making out and GO TO SLEEP” several times.  We dont.*  She doesn’t leave the room.

    ??? – I tell Mr.O that I want to have sex but with a boyfriend.  I tell him I want a boyfriend.  He asks if I like him.  I say No.**

    Morning – Corner says “omg. You two would NOT stop making out last night. Not cool.”  I say “Where’s my skirt?”

    Don’t be a Jonze


    *OMG. OMG. Who the fuck makes out with a girl with no memory who has just spent the last hour throwing up???? AND punches them in the junk? disgusting.
    ** Somehow this was interpreted as I wanted him to be my boyfriend… not sure how.


    Confessions in Nerdiness

    19 09 2008

    Let’s just put my nerd points all out there right now? k?

    Starting with:  I crush on geeks.  I know!!! *shudder* What is wrong with me?  But for the record:  My crushes can not only replace my graphics card, but also fix a flat tire & change my oil.  Oh and cook.  They love cooking.  And hate Macs.


    I have never been a Gray’s Anatomy fan.  There is just something about your GA obsessed roommates’ behaviors of “OMG SHHHHHHHHHH SHUT UP GRAYS IS ON” that kinda is a turn off.  I get the basics of it. They’re doctors who screw around with each other a lot.  You know, like they do in RL. 

    …or not.

    So flipping the channels last night before an invigorating stint of Rock Band 2, I stopped randomly at the SexyDoctorDramaShow when I heard the words “like Hans Solo”            say wha?          Apparently, Boy lays in Cement and compares self to Hans Solo frozen in carbonite.  I giggle. Ooo! A stereotypical ‘nerd line’.  It’s funny when writers toss lines in here & there to say obviously this is a Geek.  But I stop laughing when ShortBossyDoctor goes off on him explaining an almost full history of Hans Solo.  I don’t remember why she did.  But  WOW.  Rock on.   I love me unstereotypical nerds. 


    I was late arriving for Rock Band last night – delayed by “yay I just set up my desktop. Maybe I should turn it on just to check for updates.  Ooo Warcraft icon. I haven’t played that in aaaaggggeeesssss. (3wks. what? i just moved!) Maybe just a few minutes would be ok……….. omg. I was supposed to be there an hour ago!!!”


    I coded in HTML for fun when I was bored in class or procrastinating in the dorms.  I taught myself java. I adore photoshop.  I miss math.  (But I chose Marketing? weirdo)


    And since I know CL will comment otherwise comment on it:  We were discussing why I play Warcraft III but not World of Warcraft.  “I just prefer strategy to role play types.”   Makes sense right? I still don’t see why it’s so funny. Stop laughing. *pout*


    And finally, Batman.  A few of my guy friends and I were discussing the awesomness of The Dark Knight over beers.  “Gah I love that movie. You know what’s so sexy?”  N hazards a guess (“Batman’s weird voice?”) at the same time as I say “When the batpod breaks out of the crashed batmobile.” *sigh* Gets me every time. Watch it again. You’ll agree. It’s H-O-T


    Alright. There. It’s all out there now.  I feel better now. 

    Am I alone in this geekdom?

    Cause I’m a Ninja

    22 08 2008

    or a street punk. But really, I’m that super dangerous vandal/thief/puppy killer. Right? Right? I totallllllly look it.

    Adventures in the City: Episode #3

    Time for the big reveal:
    I’ve been teaching myself to skateboard. Seriously. At 22.

    Sometime after moving to the city, I realized that all that crap about needing to start young was, well, crap. Sure I’ll never be the next Ryan Sheckler. (*swoon* hey, he’s only 4 yrs younger. I think) But who cares?

    My younger brother gave me his old board, and I love it. It already has that worn look that makes me look kickass when I carry it around. Just as long as no one sees me actually attempt to roll down the street… I’m psyched. I’ve been picking up on it really quickly. I feel like a little kid out there just vrrrrooooming back and forth down the street. yes. I do ‘vrrrooom’

    But apparently, I’m a menace. I understand that life in the city requires a certain amount of caution. We have murders, drive-bys & crazies. The need for caution seems to give license to stereotyping – all for the sake of safety. But I am the least intimidating looking person ever. Even with a skateboard, I’m more Darla than Spanky*

    The Week in Review:

    Day 1
    The streets near my apartment are crap and busybusybusy. So I biked** 2miles to a smoother & emptier block. I chain up my old school schwinn to a No Parking sign and roll down the block. I’m not nervous. I’ve been watching videos all weekend of 7 yr olds explaining How-To. If they can do it, I can.

    why can’t I have an awesome accent?

    Apparently skateboarding in this particular street is unheard of. The houseies are all cramped up inside peeking out their windows wondering what kind of crazy is outside. Believe me. I’VE SEEN THEM. They peek out regularly to make sure I’m not breaking in across the street. A woman stood watching me from behind her screendoor for several long minutes (as I tripped all over myself trying to stay on my feet) before closing the front door and clicking the 20million deadlocks across. So… streetpunk/vandal seems to be the impression I’m giving. Who me?!?! How can they be suspicious? I suck! This is (quite obviously) my first time ever on a skateboard.

    Ahhh. I get it. They totally see through this ‘skateboarder’ facade. I can’t fool them. I’m totally there to just tag their walls with shit like “Kanye Rocks!” or “Marilyn Manson is my God” or whatever. Because that’s what we skatepunks do. Right? We’re bad news. I’m bringing down the neighborhood.

    Funny thing, I was a goody-goody & teacher’s pet through all my years of school. So this is crazyweird. The little girl scout in me wants to knock on all their doors and hand out my sweetass resume just so they respect & adore me. “See!!! I’m a good girl! I love people. I have a job! I’m responsible and friendly. Would you like to order some thin mints?” *innocent eyes & big grin*

    Day 2
    I didn’t get out ’til after 8pm due to my guitar lesson after work. (Learning Seaside by the Kooks!) I picked up the nearest smoothest block and rocked it! Even popped an Ollie!!!

    Day 3
    Roomie randomly showed up back at the apt, borrowed my clothes and did an interview in the city for a PR firm. huh. ummm… We ended up going to dinner & chillin. No boarding (or is it skating? or rolling?) tonight. Little brother told me I might want to get the shocks looked at. Shocks? What are shocks??? Must google that…

    Day 4
    I lied. After reviewing more footage, it has been determined that I didn’t do an Ollie on Tuesday. That was… uh… not really sure. But I did one today! Two in fact – weak – but two!!!

    I has skillz
    I has skillz

    However, I did fall twice on my ass. Full out sprawl on the street. Both times it was a matter of one foot staying on the board and the other getting left behind… far far behind. In good news, I learned I can do the splits. In bad news, OMFG!!!!! That is gonna hurt tomorrow!

    Did I mention I ripped a 3in hole in my sock? From one of the falls. woah. all through the heel. With my shoes still on…

    Day 5
    I hurt everywhere. Can’t wait to get back out tonight!

    The End. For now.

    * Little Rascals – ppplease tell me you got that
    ** bike? with a skateboard? loser much?

    p.s. – A big thank you to cleveland’s a plum who so publicly announced her Ryan Sheckler crush. I’m no longer embarassed to admit mine. He’s just so damn adorable!

    Ryan Sheckler @ AST Dew Tour

    Ryan Sheckler @ AST Dew Tour

    13 05 2008

    I stopped wishing I was with you a while ago. Now I just wish I was with someone. It’s fine enough seeing you with someone else. I would just prefer not to be alone while witnessing it.

    I like being the person everyone feels comfortable with. I like being there for people; being a good friend. It’s part of my nature to listen and comfort. Just wish someone wanted to be there for me.

    Put yourself out there. Explore your interests. I know. I really do. And as against my nature as it may seem, I have been. I’m taking guitar lessons on tuesdays, playing in a volleyball league on fridays, & building with habitat for humanity on saturdays.

    I’m not looking for advice. Just feeling a little attention needy.

    I feel a little better.
    I’m just gonna listen to some kate voegele & crash. night all.

    update: 1:48am – SCE calls. hmm bar close… gee whiz. wonder what he wants. ignore.

    update 2: 3 missed calls from an unknown # last night – strangely the same # that’s drunkdialed&txtd last wk. Well, there goes my “wrong #” theory. I did a little digging, and the caller is a friend-ish. Actually, he’s a guy I went to high school with, played poker w/ in college, and madeout with last summer… He has been sooo awkward since. We’ve only run into each other maybe 3x, but he will actually pretend I’m not there. It so ridic that our mutual friend “introduced us” at a bar months back bc of his weirdness. Makes ya wonder what happened that night that embarasses him so. I know I’m a bit, er, insulting, when I’m tired after/during a long drunk makeout and usually just turn over and go “bug off I’m falling asleep now”. But that can’t possibly generate this kind of awkardness… Soooo why is he calling me now – almost a year later?

    I’m baaaack!

    25 04 2008

    Well, actually my last post was my first back from the break… but…

    Alright, I’ve been shit about posting. And doubly shit about reading. Sorry kids. I’ll make a dent in my 963 unread posts in my reader asap. I have popped by your pages from time to time but really need to get back in the swing.

    I don’t know why I took a hiatus. Just wasn’t feeling it I guess.


    Guess who’s pulling a 10th grade “sick day” and leaving work early due to “just feeling horrible”! ME!!! And guess what is actually going on. I’M ROADTRIPPING!!! One of my friends called last night to invite me to a concert in IL (4hr drive) and I did say no – being all responsible and shite. However, then I was listening to MrMraz and realized I didnt truely feel the last of his concerts due to my intense level of inhiberation. (plus that was all GeekInThePink 2ish years ago). So I called him back after Favre’s Letterman appearance to say “screw work. let’s go!”

    Hells yes. This is SWEET.

    • Concert tonight plus seeing old friends!!!
    • Baseball game tomorrow! With SCE btw. haha. oh my. the stories. I’ll report on that later. In the meantime, we is hittin’ up a game! I’d like to say I’m hating on all those who said “yea def. that’d be cool” and then backed out when it came tix buying time but… I’ll be honest, we have a ton of fun together. Who cares if people *cough*roomie*cough* suddenly can’t come along because their notboyfriendofthemoment hates sports. Who hates sports?? wtf kids. wtf.

    Friday, I eagerly awaited the call from friends to say they were on their way. Unfortunatly one had made plans to babysit when she thought the concert was gonna pan out. By 1:30pm it was a no-go. Sadness.

    However, I decided to have a fantastic day anyways. Why not? PTO, beautiful weather (aka tornado watch), time away from the roomie (who went to visit the not boyfriend of the moment.) And I DID.

    Saturday part of the family came to town for a feis (Irish step dancing competition – my little sister’s) and we hung out for a good part of the day. By noon I still hadn’t heard from SCE on the tix for the baseball game so I txtd. At 3:30 I called. voicemail. I hope his uncle (in the hospital) didnt take a turn for the worse or that he didnt get into an accident on his motorcycle (do you see where my mind goes?) and that the real reason is that he just forgot or decided he didnt feel like it. Insulting to me, yes but better than an injury report.

    Still, it was a great wkend. I had the apt to myself until last night *gag* and am feeling refreshed for a tough wk at the office.

    Hope the rest of you had wonderful wkends!

    Damsel in Distress vs. Independent Woman

    4 04 2008

     Is it possible to be both?

    Lately, my dreams have been stranger than usual.  Yes, I remember almost all my dreams.  Yes, I dream every night.  That may be strange in itself.  However, they normally play out like normal days with a few minor changes – such that sometimes I cant tell what was dreamt and what actually happened.  In the last 2 wks though, I’ve dreamt of:

    • Heavy metal band in a 12 person muddy moshpit w/ couches
    • A giant Koala
    • Strange purple dresses
    • Flying brooms

    (Bear with me. I have a point.)

    Do you dream the same dream ever?  Mine repeat a lot with little changes – it’s like rereading those books with multiple endings.  The latest repeating one… dancing at Cush with friends, being insulted by some random guy, stalking out, he accosts me at the exit & hits me.  Here’s where it changes each time.  Sometimes, I hit back and run.  Others, my guy friends (mysteriously hiding in the backdrop) leap to my defense.  And last night, I just sat down and cried.

    In some ways, I’d like to have that boyfriend or guy friend stand up for me.  It isn’t out of a want to act weak and helpless.  Rather, I’d like to see that they would – that presented with such a situation – they’d come to my rescue.

    But I don’t need saving.  I can rescue myself.

    Chatting with my guy friends, I’ve gotten the impression that many guys like to be the Protector.  Yet, they have difficultly with a crying girl.  And feel emasculated by an independent woman who doesn’t need a strong man to keep her feeling safe.

    Where is the median?  I don’t cry or freak out often enough to warrant a damsel in distress.  I don’t usually give anyone the chance to standup for me.  But I love having someone else be the stronger one – both physically & emotionally – because they make me feel safe.

    Thoughts? Personal conflicts? Weirdass dreams to share?


    27 03 2008

    *Note* I know I’ve been a shit commentator as of late.  I’m still reading all you lovelies.  Just feeling awfully self-involved at the moment and can’t seemed to think nice thoughts.  I have 230 posts left to catch up on, but I promise I’ll get to it soon.  Feel free to leave a nasty comment. I deserve it.

    So obviously “that time of the month.”  Last week all I could think about was sex.  This week I’m feeling miserably alone.  Tempted by chocolate.  (not that it helps.) Threating to cry. (for what reason?) Checking my inbox every hour for msgs from Indie. (none.) Pathetic.


    SCE called over Easter totally out of the blue.  We were both back home for the weekend, and he was looking to go out to the bars.  I had friends over and turned him down.  Still.  Flattered he called. First time I’ve heard from him since the game.


    One of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read:

    I can listen no longer in silence.  I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach.  You pierce my soul.  I am half agony, half hope.  Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever.  I offer myself to you again with a heart ever more your own than when you almost broke it, eight and a half years ago.  Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death.  I have loved none but you.  Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant.  – From a letter to Anne Elliot by Captain Wentworth in Jane Austen’s Persuasion

    Austen wrote with such delibrate passion that slowly develops until it bursts forth in that letter.  I borrowed both Persuasion & Northanger Abbey from the library last week.  I’m desperate to go back for more.


    My sister is staying with me til Saturday.  I’d call her little, but she is 17 & 5’6.”  Love her to death.  She’s f*ing hilarious, gorgeous, a totally healthnut and understands me like no one else.  Then the parentals are picking us up on their way through town and we’re off to Michigan Ave & Ikea SHOPPING. 


    It’s lunchtime. I’ve been reading through a book a friend gave me for my birthday.  A Woman’s Europe is a collection of short stories written by women – so far we’ve only hit Greece, France and Italy a few times.  Surprisingly, moved first by the quote on a title page and the author descriptions following each passage.

    “It is never too late to be what you might have been.”  – George Eliot (aka Mary Ann Evans)

    And how would my description read?

    “Grace Kelly is a brillant & engaging marketing assistant currently working in the construction industry doing non-marketing tasks.  She resides in the city with her cousin and a plant she can’t kill.  After graduating college last May, she has not managed to learn to cook or keep house and still hates laundry.  She is single & petless.  Someday she hopes to meet Mr. Right, get married and have 4 lovely children.  In the meantime, she excels at her dull job and dreams wistfully of a Mr. Indie who she still somewhat hopes will come around in full Captain Wentworth style.”