Dearest friends & fellow bloggers,

9 06 2008

I have written many times about the trials & tribulations of living with a flatmate.  I know you’re tired of my whining – hence why I haven’t written in so long.  However, I’m at a loss and need a little advice.

My person-I-share-rent-with acquired a boyfriend sometime back in April (See NBf2.0 Visits).  My post failed to update on the fact that those 5 days became 14. FOURTEEN DAYS. Sometime around the 7th day they agreed to become officially Bf/Gf. Congrats. Previous to their relationship, they would take turns driving to their respective cities to visit each other one wkends.  Since the prolonged visit however, he seems to be showing up almost every weekend.

I’m not a good roommate. I know that. I don’t like cleaning the bathroom every week. I haven’t swiftered in months. Sometimes I even leave my dishes in the sink for a day or two. *gasp* I know.

However, I put up with their shenanigans. I deal with the serious mess they leave all about until he leaves. I even speak up about most little things in a friendly joke-like fashion – “So… do you have an aversion to shirts?” and “Whoa now kids, don’t get all gross and make out in front of me.” – but I’m still struggling. 

Listed below are my issues.  On what am I overreacting by being annoyed?  What can I say to my roomie about the issues? Please advise.

  • On the matter of NBf2.0 does not wear a shirt ever inside:  I’ve joked – with a stated annoyance on the matter several times. It’s not just the no shirt – oftens times it is also just lazy-ing about in just boxers. Maybe if he wasn’t extremely tall and scrawny… but he is.
  • My beer keeps disappearing… I’ve mentioned to roomie a few times that I would appreciate it if no one drank my beer or ate my food (eggs going missing too). She adamantly denies any usage of my stuff.

And most importantly:

  • I usually receive 1-2 days notice of NBf2.0’s arrival.  NBD. However, if I am told when he is leaving, that date is Always pushed back.  After his last overlong stay, I told roomie “That was kinda long. Too long in fact. Just a weekend is fine.”  Unfortunately, NBf2.0 is aka Photoboy – the photographer from another city.  He keeps picking up work here in this city to see roomie so he can expense his travels at the end of the year… Last night I said “Hey, before you go home tonight, would you be able to help me setup the air conditioner?”  “Oh yea sure, but I’m not leaving til Tuesday. I have a shoot here on Tuesday.”  This brings his stay to 5 days. That is despite last wkend’s 5days.

Thus the questions remain.
How do I tell my roommate (did i mention she’s a cousin?) that 5 days is too long for him to stay? (especially when it’s 4 or 5 every wkend now?)

How do I say: “I don’t fucking care if he picked up a job here. That doesn’t make me want him to stay longer. Tell him to work at home.”

How do I say: “Seriously, don’t invite me to watch movie with you or expect me to continue a conversation with you if you are gonna makeout with him awkwardly while I’m talking.”

How do I be more forward/direct without cutting ties now?  (moving to a new place Sept 1)

Please advise. Even if you say “buck up and deal with it” I just need to hear some thoughts.

Yours Truely,
Grace

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8 responses

10 06 2008
brandy

I have no idea how to deal with such a situation. Sorry. I thought about making up some great advice, but honesty won out in the end. My only advice is to drink all your beer before he gets there. Then, he won’t be able to drink any of it and you will be drunk and able to say what you can’t say sober.

See? I’m no help.

10 06 2008
Amy

You could try having the ‘serious talk’ with her, but bear in mind the family ties. I live with my sister, and we have hugely different personalities and often drive each other completely nuts (that being said, at least there are no manwhores coming home with her).

11 06 2008
Ultima Dea

I say you start leaving apartment classifieds ads around, with the good single places in your area circled in bright red ink, where you know he’ll find them.

Restate your wishes to your flatmate. Tell her (and him, if you don’t think she’ll pass the message along) that if he wants to stay around for 4 or 5 days at a time, he should start helping you two out with the rent (1/6 the cost – 1/3 for half the month)…that should send the message that he’s overstaying his welcome. Or at least it might get you some monetary compensation.

Good luck, and thanks for dropping by! I’m delving into your archives now.

11 06 2008
allie

yes, i still read your blog. sorry if that’s creepy.

anyway, i don’t think you were a bad roommate, at least not when you lived with me. but then again i tried to refrain from making out with rob while in a conversation with you. haha.

so as for your problem… maybe you should think about getting your own 1-br place and see how it is living on your own for a while. i think you’d like it. i’m super excited to have my own place out in sc.

also… i miss you! call once in a while!

13 06 2008
so@24

I can’t believe you didn’t comment on the 1 year!

14 06 2008
wiscoblonde

What a bummer. You should charge him rent….especially with energy costs these days.

15 06 2008
Meghan

You leave dishes for 2 days? You heathen! I kid, I kid.

No, but just try to sit down with her to set some new boundaries, make certain he does his part to chip in for groceries and hint that a houseguest that stays for more than 14 days in a month is by rental rights a roomate, so even though you don’t expect rent from him, if he is going to continue his prolonged stay then he;ll be expected to chip in on bills and household expenses. Also if you’re out with her in public and you see a couple kissing/making out point out how tacky it is. She’ll get the point.

Good luck!

16 06 2008
Paula

I’ve been through similar situations myself and held my tongue . . . in the end it’s just made me MORE miserable as a result. I think perhaps you need to say something, if only to stop you ending up wanting to kill them!

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