Damsel in Distress vs. Independent Woman

4 04 2008

 Is it possible to be both?

Lately, my dreams have been stranger than usual.  Yes, I remember almost all my dreams.  Yes, I dream every night.  That may be strange in itself.  However, they normally play out like normal days with a few minor changes – such that sometimes I cant tell what was dreamt and what actually happened.  In the last 2 wks though, I’ve dreamt of:

  • Heavy metal band in a 12 person muddy moshpit w/ couches
  • A giant Koala
  • Strange purple dresses
  • Flying brooms

(Bear with me. I have a point.)

Do you dream the same dream ever?  Mine repeat a lot with little changes – it’s like rereading those books with multiple endings.  The latest repeating one… dancing at Cush with friends, being insulted by some random guy, stalking out, he accosts me at the exit & hits me.  Here’s where it changes each time.  Sometimes, I hit back and run.  Others, my guy friends (mysteriously hiding in the backdrop) leap to my defense.  And last night, I just sat down and cried.

In some ways, I’d like to have that boyfriend or guy friend stand up for me.  It isn’t out of a want to act weak and helpless.  Rather, I’d like to see that they would – that presented with such a situation – they’d come to my rescue.

But I don’t need saving.  I can rescue myself.

Chatting with my guy friends, I’ve gotten the impression that many guys like to be the Protector.  Yet, they have difficultly with a crying girl.  And feel emasculated by an independent woman who doesn’t need a strong man to keep her feeling safe.

Where is the median?  I don’t cry or freak out often enough to warrant a damsel in distress.  I don’t usually give anyone the chance to standup for me.  But I love having someone else be the stronger one – both physically & emotionally – because they make me feel safe.

Thoughts? Personal conflicts? Weirdass dreams to share?

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7 responses

4 04 2008
Renee

Wednesday night I dreamed I lost my passport. Thursday morning I checked my email and my boss asked me to bring my passport to work for something. Thank goodness it was right where I thought it was!

4 04 2008
red

Ah, age old question…(stroke imaginary goatee) 🙂

Damsel and independent – I think most women have those two personalities. Women have the damsel part instilled in them. Since who knows when women have been protected. Sometimes you want to be that way and you are. Men want to be a protector. Yeah crying may freak them out a bit – even dads say that. That’s because men are solvers – they want to find a way to solve what is making you cry.

The way I see it, you can be both. There are a few times when it is ok, and attractive, to let down you guard a bit – be that damsel. Not to everyone-but that is the attractive part. If you let it down with that one guy you feel comfortable with – that means something. And then the guy has to work for it which is soooooooo important.

You don’t need to be rescued. I agree though, it is nice to know that the guy WOULD rescue you. That shows that he respects you and would defend your honor. That’s important and shows that they think highly of you. Highly enough to defend you.

I have to be careful not to just become that damsel to appease a guy. Stop going – maybe he wants me to agree, be what he wants, do this/that. No. I am me; I will do what I want.

4 04 2008
Hazel

sometimes i think i’m too independent because i hate asking for help and think i can do everything on my own. especially since i started living on my own. but i’ve also realized that it’s ok to ask for help or need someone other than yourself.

8 04 2008
so@24

Using the pic of Meg for this entry was CHOICE!

9 04 2008
grace13

Renee – wow. that’s ridic. psychic much?

Red – ooo long! thanks. I can def see what you mean with all of that. I guess it’s just a matter of letting go from time to time.

Hazel – I’m trying to become more willing to rely on other people. It’s just so difficult! We’re raised to believe we are independent and often see dependency as a weakness. I suppose a word other than dependence would be more accurate and less degrading feeling…

so@24 – ha thanks! I loooved that movie! rock on meg

19 04 2008
Smiley

Lol Damsel vs. Independent Woman
Have you met me?!
My new goal in life: Fly around the world and adopt children and if some boy wants to tag along MAYBE that’d be fun. But, if a certain someone from my past shows up in a bar in GB again….I damn well better have those 3 guy friends at my rescue!
Be both 🙂

1 05 2008
Dolce

This really pequed by interest. I’m terribly independant but also have my moments of weakness. I think there is a medium and I think it only happens when you get to know the guy and he knows you. I’ve been with my guy for over 6 years, and I think he just knows how to respond to me.

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