Be Mine?

14 02 2008

I’m not a Valentine’s Day hater.  Really not.  Swear.


I got dressed this morning grabbing my last pair of clean underwear (fuck laundry) and the first cleanish cardigan off the floor.  Got to work.  Yes, I am wearing red.  No, it was not on purpose.  oops.  I’m just not a cheesy V-day person.  I’ve never had a boyfriend on Valentine’s day.  Never really cared.  Actually those people who always whinge about it piss me off more.  If you can’t handle the mooshiness of a couple holding hands, go home, lock the door and dont talk.  Some of us are actually okay with being single.

However, I now work with all married people.  As I heard the guys coming in this morning all going on and on “ugh. ladies’s day. so did you do for your wife?” My first thought was “shut up! you’re all gonna have sex tonite.”  Now lets be honest, they may not all. But I guess I can now kinda see the other side.  That’s the “woe is me I’m single” who gets to go home knowing that everyone in the world is having sex and you just get a bag of chocolate you bought yourself.  damn.  I could see how that would depress.

Good thing I’m floating above it all. 

It all comes back around.  Just gotta keep thinking someday, someday my geek will come.  


7hr Epiphany & The Txt

14 02 2008

It’s been ages, I know, so I ought to hurry up and finish the story from last weekend. But before I forget – update on the now:

  • Headcold. Not fucking cool. I think the Nyquil I took last night gave me weird dreams because when I woke up I was relieved to find that I had not in fact lost my 3 front teeth (yes, there were 3 in my dream)
  • I love my hairstylist! Finally found one in the city that I lovelovelove! Despite yesterday’s feeling “I hate being sick. ugh. I feel fugly. Wait, no! My hair Rocks!!”

The 7hr Epiphany & The Txt
Alright so I hadn’t heard from Indie AT ALL since the night he kissed me, and I was beginning to really question what had happened. Per usual, I blamed myself. So at the crack of 11:30am Sunday I woke up with the rest, and we had a delicious homecooked bfast with the family we stayed with before getting out on the road.

Blizzard. Seriously. I don’t even know if it was snowing, but the wind was so bad we couldn’t see the car 10ft in front of us. Thank god P is the best driver I’ve ever met. The moment we left the UP the wind dropped. Crazy UPers. All things considered the car ride gave me a peaceful 7hrs to drift in and out in the backseat and analyze everything again.

One brain tangent went off to LP – the other girl that Indie & I worked with that one summer. She’s been, well, impossible to get a hold of. I haven’t seen her since this past summer. From time to time I’ll get a msg “hey let’s get together over break.” Sounds great yea, but every attempt I’ve made to contact her when we’re both in town… goes unanswered. Kinda pissed me off after the 16th attempt (yes i counted). When I mentioned it to Indie on Friday nite he said “yea, she’s kinda been a bitch. I haven’t heard from her in ages.” Which got me back to thinking about the summer we worked together.

It was so painfully obvious to the entire office (slightly embarrassing) that I liked him. Everyone knew. LP would half force us together – by ‘accidentally’ forgetting she was supposed to give me a ride home or just making new plans last minute – but that was only a few times. When the 3 of us were together she was always in the middle both figuratively and literally. Now you can chalk it up to ‘she didn’t want to get left out’ but it also made indie and I just become slowly more awkward around each other in person as we tried to make sure LP was, as always, the center of attention. Argh.

There are so many things that suddenly make more sense now. Indie has these intense eyes (that I can’t stop daydreaming about) but so often keeps a rather unexpressive face. There were so many moments were I’d look up and there he’d be looking at me – and I couldn’t look away – but felt super awkward like he must’ve been judging my idiocy or something. …LP told me at the end that Indie had asked her way earlier in the summer if I liked him. She brushed him off and said, ‘oh eh. I don’t know.’ Her tone said not really. …She was showing me pictures on her camera when I clicked back one too far and saw her, Indie, & a friend up at LP’s cabin. I had never been invited up there… hence the omg they never told me. he must like her! How could I be soo screwed up to think maybe he likes me!? post.

Hmm. All interesting.

By the end of the car ride I had concluded to these points:

  • Indie used to like me & possibly might still
  • May have neglected to call because too drunk or because he had gone up with a specific group of friends – and of course wanted to be with them
  • My heart is more content. Even if he doesn’t like me as more than a friend, at least I know that he did. For so long I have blamed myself for coming on too strong or not enough and basically being a complete failure with guys.
  • Though many people expect – and rightfully so I suppose – that if he and I both are hoping for more then we’ll date. I would be content just seeing him from time to time. I recognize the distance makes anything difficult. It happens. Since that distance will always be there, there’s a high chance no relationship would every come to fruition.

Arrive home.

Roomie and I get ready for bed. My phone beeps. Sorry…I lost my phone last night

Now, before any of you read into it, I will. Afterall, I know him better than all of you. Indie is not a … type of guy. He uses them only where trying to express it how he talks. If that dotdotdot was missing it was be more “hey friend. Sorry I missed your calls. I lost my phone. Maybe next time!” but with the … yay.

Spoke with him the nxt day online as well (do I not sound like a totally 14 year old? lol)
Indie: grace!
me: hey!
shouldn’t you be in class
Indie: just got back
sorry i missed your calls
i don’t remember much of the weekend after leaving that party lol

Ready for the old trusty Analyzing Magnifier?

“i don’t remember much of the weekend after leaving that party”

I grew up with guy friends. I know this stuff. Normal wkend recap protocol: “I don’t remember much of the wkend.” Not only can that statement be true, it’s simple AND totally gets you out of embarrassing situations. Like hey I might’ve kissed someone but I’m totally gonna pretend I blacked out. I was so drunk. Damn. Knowing Indie – he actually means ‘after leaving that party.’ so. Let’s hope he can come to the party next wkend!

p.s. Happy Valentines Day!!!

p.p.s. Indie just aimed me! tehee I totally am a giddy 14yr old. now I just need to pick up on their speech: omgomg he totes likes me! Guess what he said??? Indie: boners? i have a feeling there will be many boners today. lol. we are such children.