Proposals & Bed Hopping: Part 2

16 01 2008

The Tangent:
I wish I could say that Trek has ALWAYS been there for me.  False.  He hasn’t. However, I have difficultly holding that against him because, in his defense, he never actually knew I needed him when I did.  Par Examp: I called him once when standing outside his dorm after several super secret cigarettes and way too many tears. When I finally got a hold of him, he was with friends + a shadow student. Granted that shadow was his cousin, but… I asked if he was around to talk. He said he was at dinner but could talk tomorrow after said student left. I never said why or that I was upset or let him hear my voice crack. I just sucked it up, finished the call, and completed the night with more tears, more cigarettes, and shitloads of hw.

However, I can honestly say that I have ALWAYS been there for him. He’s an extrovert. I’m an introvert. When he needs to talk, he does – for hours on end. Usually about girls, his family, school, frustrations, dreams, etc. When I need to talk, I act caustic and bristle. Really what I want is a hug and an open ear, but I stick to the “I’m fine” routine. If we were to count up the hours I’ve spent listening to him + the homework assignments I’ve let him copy + the growth in our friendship + the lack of awkwardness between us… I’d say we’re pretty great friends. And yes, what he said then, makes sense. Sure I could move to London and he to LA, but I have a feeling that whenever we see each other it will be with the same respect and trust that we have now.*

I mean, good lord, I screamed at him over new years and left several msgs (the last one at 4:30am) about his “bad choices” and he called me the next day to apologize. As he is busy yet with family, he promised to call later this wk to “discuss.” I can already say there is a lot more to this than was originally supposed and WOW does that make me feel a little dumb. (does not excuse him though.)

*For the record, (for those RL girls) I’m talking respect / trust as relates to me personally.

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One response

18 01 2008
CL

you have feelings! don’t deny it….it’s ok. awink. we shall talk more this wknd when you’re here

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