State St. Shitshow

30 10 2007

It’s true. We went to the famous riot-prone, drunk infested State St. this past weekend for all sorts of fun halloween crazy.  Granted, they’ve cleaned it up a bit, charge admission, and added a million more cops, but it was my first time.


No riots, no tear gas, but it did not disappoint. 120 arrests that night. Luckily I wasn’t one of them.  I was too busy trying not to trip over myself.  I failed. But that story will follow… have to start at the v. beginning…State Street

M & I drove down late on Saturday and the drinking had already started by the time we arrived at 5pm.  By 9pm, we were heavily intoxicated, dressed in costumes, and picture posing as we awaited our cab.  Amongst the group we had:  Hans&Frans (from snl), Joanna (office space), a one-night stand, Ginger Spice, and a washed up rockstar.

My night began and ended with a hobo.  I nearly tripped over the first as we ran across the Capitol’s lawn.  We made it into 3 different bars (or so the camera documented) and saw tons of different people.  I was exceeding excited about ‘finding’ Waldo, meeting Hunter S. Thompson, seeing Abe Lincoln (no clue why. I always found him to be a bit intimidating looking.), and talking to a woman from Belfast who, bless her heart, didnt kill me despite all my pestering. 

Sometime before the last bar I broke the 3inch heel off one of my boots.  While it suited my drugaddict, drunkassed look, it made walking all the more challenging.  I managed alright til we left the partying and I tripped going up the handicapped ramp.  Face Plant. No, seriously. I landed right on my face. My hands didn’t feel the need to attempt a catch. I’m bruised & battered.  Skinned knees, scraped up face (by all means i shouldve at least broken my nose!), random bruises… Somehow we all survived the night despite my heel, M freezing, taking a public piss just outside the Capitol, M’s disappearing cellphone, and me bumming a light off another hobo.

Personal Victory:  I didnt not make out with anyone!!! WOOO! Go Me! I’d like to say I didn’t drunkdial either but apparently I did.  My cousin found me passed out in his bed with my cell to my ear.  Got a call in the morning from one of the 3 guys I called (2x each!).  Unless they bring it up though… I gonna pretend it never happened.  I do wonder what I said in the messages I left them… oh well!


Misery Friday

27 10 2007

I was pretty down about how events didn’t quite go as I had hoped with SecondChanceE and exhausted from a very full, busy day at work while nursing a major hangover.  Most of the day & night was spent feeling pretty miserable and unwanted. 

SecondChanceE called that night when my roommate and I were at the mall.  He didn’t really say much, which confused me.  I guess I was hopeing he had a really purpose to the call (why else call) but everything was just mentioned in the tone of a preamble… as if to lead up to the real reason…. but there was nothing to follow.  I believe the reason he called was to apologize for the fact that we didn’t meet up at the bars after leaving his bday party for downtown. Apparently, the girls* he was with changed the plan by hitting a different bar.  He tried to find us by going back to the bar we were supposed to meet at and wandered around for 15mins by himself looking for me. That’s really nice of him.  I feel so bad we missed each other.

 Anyway, I just kept hoping it would get better but being tired and bored just made me a little sad.  So latelate friday was spent smoking outside on the phone watching drunkasses bumble around tripping over their costumes.

*ze girls are bitches – they changed bars without telling us (SecondChanceE forgot his cell at home & we don’t know the girls).  They didn’t help him look for us.  Moreover they refused him a ride back to the southside where he lives.  He had to crash at their place and missed work in the morning. Whatfuckingsweethearts.

1st Hangover of the Weekend

26 10 2007

Connected with another coworker.  It was this morning as we both leaned heavily on the water cooler, chugging its goodness and comparing hangovers.  She showed me her sharpie tattoo where a friend ‘signed’ her last night.  I just grinned (*grimaced*) when I told her my morning.


6:30am – Turn off alarm

7:21am – Look at alarm, freak, jump out of bed

7:26am – Dressed (in jeans and shoes from nite before)

7:31am – Starting the car

7:57am – Arrive at work


I’m dehydrated, shying from all noise and just really looking forward to get directions from my boss.  Hopefully the perfume covers the majority of the beer smell. I just want to go back home, ditch the clothes, slide between the sheets, and curl up for a long winter’s nap. Sounds luxurious. And tempting.

Working in the Real World

24 10 2007

I’ve been working at my new job (first real job) for about 4 months now, and today I finally connected with one of the other people here.  Over what?  Vacation scams and gambling ex boyfriends.*  Sweet huh?  

I like the job well enough.  I get to do marketing, which is what I studied in college.  Being the youngest though also makes me the office bitch.  100 photocopies of this, cancel that, send this, fix that.  It’s special.  I know I just have to pay my dues, and it will all get better as time goes on.  That will be a while though.  Already 2 people have started since I’ve been here and I’m still the gopher.  Why?  Because I’m the youngest.  At 21 I highly doubt they’ll hire someone younger for a while yet.  Woo.


The office is pretty traditional.  Out of 30 people in the office on a more regular basis only 8 are women.  Despite our roles in marketing, managing & finance, we are relied upon for the basic tasks of keeping everything in the office shipshape for the men.  It should bother me more than it does, but I guess I’ve just accepted it.  Ah well, I can’t count on them to know how to fix the copier so I’ll just do it myself.  My work really isn’t as important as theirs, yet.

*I don’t know if I count that guy as an ex-boyfriend. Due to my fierce commitment issues, we ‘dated’ and only for about a month. eh.

Is the new guy worth it?

22 10 2007

Alrightly, here’s the scoop. 

M & I decided to host another party since she had some friends and a sister coming to the city.  I had specifically invited a guy* who we will call SecondChanceE for reasons which will become apparent.  Quite a few people showed up, and a good time was had by all.  Upon the clock striking 11pm** we ditched the apt for the bars.  After too many drinks and a lot of dancing, SecondChanceE & I kissed on the dance floor.

Several more drinks later, we were back at my place makeing out in my room.  One thing led to another… and needless to say he was too pleased when I said No Sex.  Normally this means messing around =ok… in my ridiculously plastered state however I turned total prude.  I don’t actually remember much else. 

In the morning I got a perfunctionary kiss and goodbye.  I figured that was the last of it.  Thing is, we were both too drunk that night. I know it. He knows it.  And surprisingly, I’m not ready to just walk away.  It’s not like I like/love/want him or anything crazy like that.  But I’m not not-attracted, which is a good start for me.  I guess I’ll give him second chance to impress me.  Maybe he’s worth it?

*Meet the guy:  We both attending a going away party for a friend leaving for Iraq.  We hit it off really well and ended up closing the bar long after all our friends had gone home.  After he walked me to my car, he kissed me. Simple. Sweet.  I was stunned.  I just met the guy, and we weren’t drunk. But he was fun and I figured, hey, i love a guy who can take the initiative. After I drove off, he called ‘just to make sure i hadn’t given him a fake number.’  He was funny and kinda cute.  On Sunday, he called to invite me to join him for a concert of a jazz & blues guitarist.  Unfortunately I was just driving back to the city and wouldn’t be able to make it.

**During our 1st – or was it 2nd? – party at the apt we were, apparently, a little loud.  I dont remember seeing a Quiet Time in the rent contract but the building managers live in the apt directly below us.  We didn’t argue.  Now we just make sure to get to the bars by 11 to avoid noise complaints. 

Rant of The Day: Invisibility

11 10 2007

here’s the way it goes:

My last semester of college living with my best friends taught me a lot about being straightforward, honest, and assertive. This semester-of-my-life is about testing me on those traits. Can I do it? Yes.

I love my roommate M to death. We get along really well for the most part. The problem, which I will readily admit, is my jealously of her. I was watching GossipGirl last night which put everything I felt right out in the open…

In the episode: the lead girls Serena and Blair are best friends – inseparable. However, Blair has this horrible jealousy of Serena because Serena gets all the attention. Par Examp: They are shopping and Blair comments on how ALL the men they pass are checking them out. Serena says No, they’re checking us both out. But as Blair says, Then why do I go unnoticed when I’m not with you? Later they get into a HUGE fight and Blair says it the way I’ve written it a million times in my journal. “You are always in the spotlight, always! It doesnt matter that you dont try for it. You can’t help it. I know you cant. It just happens to you. It’s just part of you.”

That’s me. Always 2nd. It doesnt matter if we go out with her friends/my friends/strangers.  It doesnt matter if I am at peak confidence. It doesn’t matter if she is quiet and doesnt really say anything at all. We go out and guys check us out. They talk to us. They flirt with us. But in reality, they are going for her. I know this. She knows this. She pretends it isnt true for my benefit which almost makes it harder to bear. How do I know this you might ask? Am I overreacting? No. I honest to god wish i was. I know this because we often start by hanging-out with more than one guy. They compete for her attention and when she obviously shows preference… the other leaves. Yea leaves. Either physically or he finds someone else to talk to. It’s not like I’m boring. I’m just invisible.

The killer is that I’ve gotten used to it. I’ve given up. It’s a losing battle that started with my roommate who was my best friend growing up. Then my grade school bff then my 8th grade bff then high school bff then my london roomie then vgf then back to my roommate. This might tell you that it has something to do with my personality. However, even in the height of confidence… i lose. Even when I look amazing… i lose. Getting away from these people wont help me. I’ll just find someone to replace them. Afterall, they’ve all been my best friends at some point. I completely understand why guys completely enamored – they’re fun, pretty, funny, smart, confident. Those are the same reasons I’m drawn to be their friend.

I’ve thought about it long and hard. I want to be unreachable. I suppose every girl wants to attain this at some point. But here’s what I want more than anything:
–the athletic body of a soccer player
–the confidence & flirtiness of a socialite
–the bank account of a selfmade girl – who’s actually made something of herself.
–the hair of a model (about 4more inches)
–the ability to run
–the ability to take beautiful arty pictures
–the ability to photograph well (yea be in pictures)

I’m not asking for the moon. I’m not asking for lipo or a nose job. I’m desperate to be notice, to be seen, to be liked, to be sought after. I’m not willing to change my personality. I’ll be my confident self but beyond that part of me: I think I’m pretty damn good. I just want everyone to see that. I glow when I’m confident. But I’m still outshone. It’s like just that isn’t enough. I’m not okay with that. I’m not okay with being 2nd rate. You know my roommate tries to divert attention to me sometimes? Like this past weekend at Beerfest- There were these 2guys: Joel & Jacob – best friends. My roommate’s only way of diverting attention aside from asking me what I think on certain things (which I almost never hear bc he only says it to her) is to talk about school… and “Grace is my favorite child prodigy; she graduated college in only 3years!” Thing is I’m not a fan of that. I don’t want people to think I graduated early because I’m smart. If I was smart, I would’ve gotten the 3.5 I deserved. I want people to know that I got out early because I’m driven & ambitious. I want them to know I worked my ass off. I want them to see what I see. I’m SO SICK OF BEING THE SMART KID. Where has that gotten me? Nowhere with my peers. They’re intimidated. and then make jokes about how it’s taking them 5yrs or “wow. you’re smart” that’s it? that’s all I get? NO. I want more. I want someone to look at me and see me how I see me. I want them to see my daredevil side. Everyone sees me as ’safe.’ They’re stunned when they hear i jumped out of a plane. That I had my eyebrow pierced. I miss that piercing. People automatically assumed I was kinda different when I had that. They didn’t see ’smart girl’

This is why I wanted to dye my hair. Really what I want is to be as fit and toned and strong as possible. I guess I’m just scared I’ll never get there. That somehow, I’ll just never be good enough. I’m not looking for a seriously unreal body. I just want my old body – maybe a bit more toned.

I want to have my next birthday with the fittest body ever. I want to wear something gorgeous you only see in magazines. I want a guy to be an outright, plain & simple asshole to me so that I can dump a drink on his head instead of him simply ignoring me so i feel invisible. I know just about everything that comes with being fit, confident, pretty, and everyone wanting you. I could handle that. Believe me, I have been through dealing with my friends’ problems for YEARS. How do I get there?

okay I’m done. Now you know.