Paranoia & Bad Decisions

9 09 2007

I am. crazy huh?

Not to sound particularly self-absorbed, but I get calls all the time from friends in the city to go out and friends not here to say they miss me and plan to meet up soon. Yet, whenever I go out with any of them I take my roommate or bff of the moment. Half the time I’m annoyed they’re there. I only do it because I know how well these superoutgoing bffs get along with all my other friends… This way even if no one there likes me (then why did they call?) at least everyone but me will have fun.

ridiculous huh? Been this way since I was a kid. I would even introduce people knowing that there was a chance they’d ditch me to hangout. Paranoid that they would.

Even now, my roommate’s cell goes off and I’m sitting her jealous that no one calls/txts me… and my cell has been busy on/off all nite. so ridic…its pathetic. sweet.

Bad Decisions

Good Lord I know I make bad decisions. I do it all the time. I know deep down that making out with a random guy in a bar when trashed will not fulfill my need for emotional intimacy.  But I do it anyway. However, aside from the jabs of a few less shit brained friends, it’s never come back to bite me.  Until now. Me, the shitfaced newbie to the city, am ever trusting and always up for a good time and new adventure. So when I go home with a guy so pissed drunk that I dont realize he expects something… I figure ‘hey, why not? can’t hurt anyone.’ and give him a bj. And then when it happens again on another occasion… with the same guy… oops. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Lucky me, the fucker txts alot now.  “hey what u up to?” (nothing) which leads into “lets hang out” (no) and then to “come over and let’s fuck” (never). Seriously. The kid never gets the hint. I WAS DRUNK. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. He’s txting me now – hence why I’m up at 2am. I tell him to fuck off. He says come over and we will. I says stop txting because it wont happen ever again. He says we’ll see. Oi. Fucker. You were hot but now… you’re just fuckin horny mistake. Shit that. I can do better.

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