I am NOT in a relationship

8 05 2007

So we went to the movie on Tuesday nite. Definitely worth it! It was hilarious!!! Then he came back to my place and we watched scrubs/madeout… He made conference for golf so was gonna be gone til Saturday then. So Wednesday right before he left I took him out to dinner to my favourite little place just off campus. Personally not a fan of ‘goodbye kisses’ in the car so didn’t kiss him.  I know he was expecting one. That was part of the reason I didn’t kiss him: because he was expecting it. Anyway. Not that that sounds crazy.

So we met up at the bars on Saturday night and got plastered. Not Good. I really have to start paying attention. 4 vodka shots & 3 cranberry vodka mixers… smart. Was very trashed. So trashed in fact that I forgot my vehement hatred for all things PDA and madeout with him for almost an hour in the middle of the bar in front of all of my friends. ALL of them. All the guys. All the girls. They have not stopped laughing at me. The funny thing is, neither Patriots nor I have any recollection of this at all. so… yea caught a cab home (his) and proceeded to makeout til…ooo mid afternoon. Yea. I went home just after 2pm. Nice. I’m very classy.

Problem is he’s been all about being sweet and nice and friendly and talkative. everyfuckingday. I can’t handle that. I told him that. He listened and kinda toned it down. I know I’m being absolutely ridiculous.  I dont care. We were trapped up in his room for so long because his housemate’s family was there – kids and all – and I didnt feel like leaving in the state I was in, in front of everyone. He suggested, after we’d been waiting for them to leave for 3hrs, that we could go downstairs, he’d introduce me as his gf, and then it wouldnt be like “ooo who’s the skank Patriots brought home last night?” At the word ‘girlfriend’ I blanched. He saw it. Totally knew I freaked about that. I’m paranoid I swear.

So to exhibit my independence, I rebelled and didn’t answer him when he tried to talk to me several times today. Nice. That was real mature. Everyone here is on my case saying that he and I are basically bf/gf. Yes dating. NOT exclusive! (so allie asks “who else are you seeing then?” No one. …damnit!)

However, MAY have come to an idea as to why I react the way I do. In grade school I chose bad friends. Ok so out of 10 classmates I didn’t have much choice. But still. So I got ‘dumped’ a lot by friends who suddenly were too cool for me. It happened too often because I was the bookworm. By the time I got to high school I went through 1 group of friends per year.  It was a defense mechanism.  It was easier to get sick of them then to wait around til they started treating me like shit and drop me. Now at the end of my college career, I’m still dropping guys before letting them get close.  I’m fickle. I know that I’ll get sick of them so fast. shit.

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