Acceptance

18 01 2007

*SIGH*

Kill me now. Or save me. Your choice. I’m at work again and bored out of my mind. I know I shouldn’t be slacking off at work but there is so little to do! All I have for today and tomorrow, aside from the usual, is this law poster project one of the HR girls handed-off to me. I can see why she did. It’s just about the most confusing and tedious tasks ever created.

I’m just desperate for human interaction right now. You’d think working as the receptionist would give me lots of visitors and phone calls etc. Nope.

I’ve already tried all other sources of entertainment:
– meebo – no one online
– email – nothing new since 5mins ago
– pandora – no speakers
– txting – ran out of things to talk about…

All I’m left with is my brain… drifting uselessly between overanalyzing and chiding myself for overanalyzing.

I think I might (finally) have come to the point of acceptance with IndieGuy. I’ve know forever that something never really could happen between us. That might be a reason I pushed him away – one of many. I just dispise missed opportunities, and I definately feel that was one. It really isnt logical. I never see him during the year as his school is 4 hrs from mine, and we only got together once over break with a bunch of people because he lost his license. He says he’ll see me over spring break, but even that is doubtful. He still won’t have his license even then – not ’til April. This summer I move 2hrs away… right after graduation. I’m excited, but at the same time, it’ll be sad. I’ve been hanging out with most of the same people for the last 6-7 yrs. I’m rather attached.

I can kind of tell I’m over him though – thank God! Here’s the tell: I’ve started daydreaming about him. I never allow myself to daydream about a guy I like. Don’t think I’m crazy! I have good reasoning behind it. Every guy I daydreamed about in high school I created into this amazing wonderful guy who is absolutely perfect for me in every way. Ever since then I avoid then doing this to guys I like because if I imagine him different than he is… I don’t actually like him – just my image of him. So now, everytime I begin to daydream about a guy… I realize I must not like him anymore.

After all, what guy can compare to daydreams of reckless rebellion and intrigue???

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