just about bedtime…

24 01 2006

So tonight was a lot of fun – chill but fun! We met the City Boys for drinks in Covent Garden. It was around kinda late when we arrived there – totally had no idea that everything shuts down by like 6 on sundays! We just sat at this outdoor café and took pictures of performers singing in the courtyards. The City boys came to meet us there and then we went to a pub nearby. We ordered drinks and talked about traveling. KK and roomie talked about parties and family and how they thought about drinking. Yes, it ended up that roomie was talking to KK again. I have no idea how that happened because she started out talking to PB (another City Uni boy from the states) and Rich, while I was talking to KK and TZ. Well anyways, roomie wanted to get back early instead of going to the guys dorm- which we were cordially invited to. I was a bit disappointed but what can ya do?

Funny how it works. I was just thinking about basically everything. I honestly think London and being away from everyone – well except roomie – has been great for me. I feel free-er over here. I feel like I can do and dress and look how I like and not have to worry about what others think. Like, there are days where I absolutely miss and dress horribly. Well, I’m in a city, and it is doubtful that I’ll run into people I don’t want to see when I’m like that. It rocks. Now I’m thinking about getting my eyebrow pierced – something I’d never had considered back in the States. I feel completely comfortable dressing a little more punkish though not much – just elements. The punk always kinda interested me. So did the dancers. I could totally do that. And I am.

I picked up this blk shrug from United Colours of Benetton that was on sale for £6. It is like the type dancers wear over a leotard just for a little warmth without the added bulk of a sweater or t-shirt. It is fitted and doesn’t tie – it isn’t supposed to. I love it to death. Right now it reeks of smoke and bar but I’m gonna air it out tonight so I can wear it tomorrow. I also love the long multiple strand necklaces. I don’t really like ‘big’ jewelry but I love something that just adds to the outfit. I love heels and look good in them but I hate clunkers.

I think I just honestly want to come back to America totally not caring what my friends think. Sure I want them to like me, but I want them to see me exactly as I do. I want to be the ‘pixie’ my parents dubbed me. To me, a pixie can be a bit of a brat but really is just daring, adventurous, fun spirited and completely uncaring of what others think. And when I say my friends I do mean the guys I usually chill with.

*Deleted*

I will admit when I am wrong. Sure I hate it. But I will do it. And I can also admit when I don’t know. I think that is straightforward enough in its own way. I am honest about my limits because I am well aware of them. Sure I’ll challenge them but only by myself. No one else is allowed to challenge my limits.

Adventure to me:

A crazy adventure can happen anywhere. Absolutely anywhere. It isn’t a matter of setting off to a destination. It is a mind frame. Roomie and I always take the buses home at night if we head back after the Tube closes at midnight. That is an adventure because you never know what to expect. Like the night coming home from TZ’s dorm. We hopped on one bus and the driver told us to hop off at Knightsbridge and then take the C1 bus to Gloucester Rd. Well, the C1 doesn’t run after midnight so roomie and I stood at the bus stop for ½ an hour fighting about whether or not I was like Paris Hilton because I don’t want to go see the ghetto and have never seen one. Well forgive me but that doesn’t make me like Paris. And that was a full out yelling-fight! Kinda weird. Drank a lot that night. Anywho, that was an adventure (as all bus trips are) because we had no idea where we were or where we were going. I didn’t have a problem with it. I never mind getting lost on the buses home. I look at it like little adventure. So we get lost. So? We always get home eventually. Adventure is unplanned. You have to just follow your instinct.

I want to be more adventurous. I jumped off a cliff 3 stories high this past summer into a river. I hold that dear to me because it represents a strong part of me that says, “Damnit! I CAN do anything!” I’ve been out on the roof so many times since we arrived here in London. I love it out there. I really want to figure out how to climb to the very top of the roof. I want to take my journal, my camera. I want to see the sunrise. If you are caught on the roof you are automatically expelled. eh. who’s gonna catch me? Damn it I’ve been out there in nothing but my underwear and a bra. I want to stand up there naked. I don’t know why. Just for the freedom of it. I want the confidence to be naked. I can do this. because I can do anything. Soon. The thrill of doing what you aren’t supposed to is just too much for me. I love driving fast. I love testing my fears. I love heights. I love the wind. I love night. Moon. Stars. Boys. 😉

I’ve never had a kiss that swept me away. Maybe my fear of being a bad kisser prevents me but I don’t think so. Honestly, with the exception of Trek who I am unsure how I felt about him at the time, I’ve never kissed a guy I was soooo totally into. No one I’m crushing on. I just makeout with random guys. And because of that it is always good but never ‘can’t breathe! Sooo amazing!’ I kinda want that feeling.

Well, Night!

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