Birth Order

Reading the Birth Order book my mom hid in my bag last time I was home was enlightening. It was as if a door opened in my mind and the white rabbit grabbed my hand dragging me through “Look! See! That is why you tick the way you do.”

I am a certifiable ‘discouraged perfectionist’.  Basically that means I live by an All Or Nothing perspective, which is completely true.  Par Examp - my room is a state of disaster nearly 75% of the time.  The floor is just covered with clean & dirty clothes.  (i like to mix it up)  However, when I clean it, it is spotless - totally perfection - eat off the floor clean.*

Just reading that there are other people who have the same issues as me made me feel TONS better.  Now I’ve just gotta start trying to do things at least halfway.

*I wouldn’t recommend it. You dont know who lived here before me. They could’ve gotten sexed up on it alot.

ShoeThoughts

I’m picky about shoes & bags.  I know you’re supposed to be one or the other, but I’m both; or neither perhaps.  I don’t whim-buy. I will find what I want and check back over & over until I decide I’m consistantly obsessed enough to fork over the $$$. Otherwise I buy for necessity. 

A few examples:
It took me 3 months of daily online studying to pick up a big chocolate leather hobo by Hype off bluefly.
I emailed my mom about a cute pair of Nine West heels back in December, but didn’t purchase them until April when I needed a pair of pretty black heels for Vegas.

Anyway, Shoes:
My current obsession is Luciano Padovan.  Their website makes me swoon. I mean just look at the sultry curve of the arch. *sigh* I want.

A few months back, I was lusting for a pair and searched for shops. Imagine my shock when one of the v.few shops that carried the line is only 20mins from my office!  Yet, I haven’t quite made it that far.  I’d like to say it’s because I haven’t yet figured out how to justify spending more than my rent check on a pair of heels.  But it’s not. 

The real reason I have gone running over is because I can never remember to go on a day when I have both my Coach gallery tote & Cole Haan slingbacks. Sad right? I won’t go because I am not prepared to walk in with my best things. I’d hate to go in my target pumps and ancient anoymous black bag. Can you imagine the service I’d get? I’ve done that before. It’s not quite Pretty Woman, but you’re definately ignored til you leave.

Note to self:  Wear Haan heels & Coach tote tomorrow. Oh, and pay the damn internet bill.

 

The cop at the door

asked us if we’d heard any loud noises or had seen anything just after midnight.  At 12:45, I had already been asleep for almost 2hrs, so No. 

“Well, someone propped the lower door to the building open (bastards) and someone came up to this floor.  They kicked open the door to Apt#36.  The doorframe is all splintered and… well, kinda like this.” (examines our splintered/repaired doorframe)

* * *

 Talk about an interesting nite.  Looking back on it, I was slightly unintelligable.  Ok, very.  Roomie and I were talking about it the next day - she figures the cop thought I was on crack or something.  I just kept talking and making no sense.  That sounds about right.  I remember the looks he gave me everytime I answered a question - it was as if I responded “Yes, I was here in bed all night.  The nap with the monkey who was short.” Or “Was any fruit stolen when the burg-burger-burgerlery happened?” 

Really though, who takes a statement from someone who’s wearing sweatpants under a nightie (it was cold) and a sleep mask pushed up on their forehead?

Brain Freeze

 

Well, it’s more like writer’s block than I-chugged-my-sno-cone but in the thoughts sense, not the writing sense.  Or maybe yes? idk. I haven’t written much as of late due to random “Grace, you were supposed to be in *city#2* today. Where are you?” issues with the Boss. I’d write on it, but I whinge enough as it is w/o doing anything about the problem.  (As my Grandpa would say, “shit or get off the pot”)

I guess the freeze is as follows…

• I know I hate my job & need to search for a new one
• I know I need a new apt - 1 bedroom - no roomie

I don’t want to change apts until I have a new job. The city has nothing in the way of marketing positions right now. And with the “maybe/kinda/yes” recession-ish thing we’re going through…

• should I just wait it out a little longer?
• should I look at other cities? nothing really ties me here
• I could look East - everyone seems to be slowly migrating that direction
• I miss living elsewhere where I can explore and feel uninhibited
• I miss London.

Whoa. I miss London. I mean, I have for a while, but that feeling disapated a bit as I was busy graduating and then working. It’s been 2 yrs, and I am almost afraid that I will go back* expecting the same excitement I had - and fail.

Part of me is holding off on the finding a new job thing because I want to make a decision on where to live. Do I stick it out here in the city? I like it well enough. Part of me wants to move, to get away, to start fresh. I have nothing/no one to run from; In fact, all my favorites are within 2hrs from here. However, I feel like it’s necessary for me to go somewhere alone and find myself - before it’s too late. 

“Too Late” = tied to a job I like, longterm boyfriend, big close (thiscityclose) network of friends - basically just having a group or job that I am dependent on for my happiness

So, do I do now? Run, jump, fly to somewhere else? Where?

*London is too expensive at this exchange rate so… put on the backburner?

 

I stopped wishing I was with you a while ago. Now I just wish I was with someone. It’s fine enough seeing you with someone else. I would just prefer not to be alone while witnessing it.

I like being the person everyone feels comfortable with. I like being there for people; being a good friend. It’s part of my nature to listen and comfort. Just wish someone wanted to be there for me.

Put yourself out there. Explore your interests. I know. I really do. And as against my nature as it may seem, I have been. I’m taking guitar lessons on tuesdays, playing in a volleyball league on fridays, & building with habitat for humanity on saturdays.

I’m not looking for advice. Just feeling a little attention needy.

thanks.
I feel a little better.
I’m just gonna listen to some kate voegele & crash. night all.

update: 1:48am - SCE calls. hmm bar close… gee whiz. wonder what he wants. ignore.

update 2:  3 missed calls from an unknown # last night - strangely the same # that’s drunkdialed&txtd last wk. Well, there goes my “wrong #” theory. I did a little digging, and the caller is a friend-ish. Actually, he’s a guy I went to high school with, played poker w/ in college, and madeout with last summer… He has been sooo awkward since. We’ve only run into each other maybe 3x, but he will actually pretend I’m not there. It so ridic that our mutual friend “introduced us” at a bar months back bc of his weirdness. Makes ya wonder what happened that night that embarasses him so. I know I’m a bit, er, insulting, when I’m tired after/during a long drunk makeout and usually just turn over and go “bug off I’m falling asleep now”.  But that can’t possibly generate this kind of awkardness…  Soooo why is he calling me now - almost a year later?

Fun. I promise.

Stole this meme from Traci Anne at HelloDarling. Loving the randomness of it.  I won’t tag anyone, but if you see this, fill it out yourself and comment that you did.

If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:
A few mystery books, a laptop, a messenger bag, a journal, & pen

I have an irrational fear of:
falling down stairs, vampires, the little girl from The Bad Seed (1956)

What did you do yesterday?
Went to mass, mother’s day brunch at the club, graduation, graduation reception to network with the old profs (& get numerous prods to ‘go get your masters!’), watched The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen w/ the sibs, drive back to the city

What would you do if you were stranded on an island with the person you hate?
I’d try to make it work. Unless they tried to kill me off, then it’d be war.

My feet are:
pretty

Know how to cook?
Know how? yes. Enjoy it? rarely

What was the last thing that made you cry?
The commencement speech at yesterday’s graduation. I felt like she was talking directly to ME

What are the stems on wine glasses for?
twirling.

If I look in your glove box, what will I find?
car booklet, parking ticket

What is something your friends make fun of you for?
being late, saying insanely dumb things

What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping

Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex?
nope

What was the highlight of your week?
Well, it just started soooo… so far, seeing my old profs. I felt so loved and special when they sought me out.

Do you fake bake?
No, i barely change color anyways. Least, no one notices when i do.

What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
I have to moved my car before i get another ticket

When was the last time you hysterically cried?
last fall.

What will you be doing at 8pm tomorrow?
idk. tuesday?

What are you saving your money up for right now?
“the future” - no real plans for it.

Does it bother you when people are late?
nope. not unless they’re asses when i’m late. then major yes.

What’s your coolest scar?
i just like the ones on my knees. proves i took a few digs & fell out of a couple of trees as a kid.

What is the best thing in your refrigerator right now?
lots of beer?

Guess who’s back…

Armstrong:  Are you in TheCity?
Me: * (just outa town) at the moment but TheCity for week. Are you coming to town?
Armstrong: I’m here all day for a conference. It should be ending around 5. Was going to see what your plans were for dinner
Me: none yet.
Armstrong: Want to go somewhere? How far away is *?
Me: Sure. * is about 30ish mins outa the city - depends on rush hour. Meet u in town? Craving anything specific?
Armstrong: Nothing in particular. I suck at directions but could make my way to *

hmm… well, as much as I’d love to go home first and clean up a bit (came to work looking shitty of course) I guess that’s not much of an option.  Maybe I’ll ditch out on work early and tell him to meet me in town.  Then I can get at least into more flattering clothes and fix my hair.
 

And they walk the stage

I figured it’d be weird watching all my friends graduate without me, but it’s not. I think having a year living an adult life away from them has been much harder. I can instead be excited for them as they walk the stage, start the job, move into the new apt.  Having already survived those “where’s my cap & gown!” moments, I can focus on being happy for them because my life stress is minimal in comparison.

It is kinda scary thinking that this (if I let it) could be the last time I see many of them.  Everybody is moving somewhere.  I may suck at keeping in touch, but I love road trips, especially ‘adult’ ones - single w/ income and a set work schedule makes driving off for a wkend much much easier.

In related news: 

I love my car. I put 487 miles on my baby just this wkend. That brings us past the 15,000 mark in just 8.5 months. I pushed her all wkend and discovered a rate of 32.5 miles to the gallon. That sunshine & daisies when the going gas price is $3.79 per unleaded gallon.

NerdyFriday

 

The dork in me insists I need an SAT/ACT electronic Power Prep like S & B in this week’s episode.  

Too bad their like $200.  Guess I’ll stick with my DS - Big Brain Academy.