Do I dare say it?

So this has quite possibly been the longest week of my life. It is the very last week of classes - exams are next week - and then… FREEDOM! Fucking scared to death of graduating though. I’ve been fighting the system for the last 3 years, and in a last effort to royally screw me over, the college keeps conveniently ‘forgetting’ that I’m supposed to walk the stage in just over a week. fuckers

In other news, wow, Patriots… what can I say?

Well Friday night Allie and I went out to a sports bar in town with Patriots and his friends. I txted him to see if he was free because our other option was staying in, no socialness, no booze, and watching porn with the guy friends.  Just wasn’t feeling it.  So we ditched - much to their dismay.  Going to the bar with Patriots was very much a spontaneous idea but it meant free drinks ALL night!!! It was the best nite I’ve had in ages! 5 guys, 2 girls… havent had that much attention (especially from Patriots) in at least a year. (yes, Allie played wingman… and handled 4 guys by herself. She’s prettyfuckinstellar)

Saturday, because we had so much fun the night before, we decided to go out with them again. This time wasn’t quite as much fun because a heavy metal band was playing at the bar… and they sucked. We could barely talk over the noise.  Allie and her boyfriend left early.  I had opted for a ride home from Patriots. I knew what I was getting into. 

Unfortunately, I pulled the usual and drank a little bit too much. Must’ve been that last vodka shot. Anyway I spilled a full drink on him. Very smooth. Surprisingly (or not, since i was drunk) I just thought it was fucking hilarious.  Luckily he did too - should’ve known then that we were wasted. We left and I blacked out.  Apparently I turned his music all the way up and rolled down the windows… also may have yelled at him for not using his blinker… drove back to his house

We arrived at his house, met his housemates and went to bed. Yea, I know. He was supposed to give me a ride home. I believe I called the bed and told him he could sleep there too “if he didn’t mind that I might cuddle.” We spent the entire night just cuddling, which was nice.  I wouldn’t let him kiss me, despite his repeated attempts, because he had a girlfriend. Yes. That’s right a GIRLFFRIEND. So we just cuddled and talked.

I have never felt so completely comfortable with a guy before (well, except with Indie). We had a ton of fun. As of 2minutes before we had to absolutely get up in the morning (he had golf at 9 - he’s on the golf team) he kissed me. And i let him. And i kissed him back. Feeling incredibly guilty and dirty I ended that fast. We talked in the car about it and everything. He was very uncomfortable in his relationship with his gf - almost sounded like he was guilted into it and felt stuck with her.  Seems like a weird relationship to me. So he drove me home at 8:45am. I went to my little sister’s confirmation (as her sponsor) completely hungover. Afterwards came back, relayed it all to the girls…

I know

it’s strange to really like this, but I do. He only IMed me it because my away msg said ‘worst day ever’ - as i was having a really shitty day. I responded the way I always do to things like this: make a joke because that’s what is expected. Plus ties into an earlier joke we had …something about him stalking me etc… v.random humor I know. But that’s me. And that’s him. And that’s why we get along.

IndieBoy: i love you
Grace: i know
Grace: most of my stalkers do
IndieBoy: …
Grace: but thanks

The funny bit is, I’m more touched than anything. He knew I wouldn’t take it the wrong way. I’ve heard those words many times from guys but never from any guy I ever cared about. And I don’t just mean as a crush. As a friend.

It was a bandaid on my bad day. Soothed the wounds inflicted by profs, friends, the world in general.

ADDITIONALLY was on the phone with my mom whingeing about all the stress I’ve with graduating early. Her response? “Well, I was thinking. Do you still want to jump out of a plane?” whwhwhat?! A friend of mine is going skydiving with his sister and dad to celebrate his dad’s official “the cancer is gone for good” and they’ve invited me along. I had to say no because I’m as broke as it gets. However! Mom’s offered to pay for it so long as I work my ass off! YES!!!

All I do these days

is just whinge about job-search/apartment-search/lack-of-guy/weight. I swear I’m beginning to drive myself insane! So now I’m just sitting here chewing that crap easter egg gum that gets old after 8secs. It’s dull business indeed.

Turns out I’ve been a major crapper these days. One of my housemates and one of my good friends both confronted me about my shitty behavior. Yea, well, you’re not looking for a job/apt/bf… yada yada yada. Guess I got so sick of listening to everyone else’s “terrible life” I just distanced myself. Well, apparently if I’m pissed/stressed/upset about something I should “talk about it.” I understand. Yes, of course. Let’s ’share.’

Hell no! At this point I’d prefer just to be short or snippy with someone. Otherwise they’ll hear everything that I’m on about. Thus far it’s between me and the internet. Sweet. Besides, I’ve tried that whole “Hey, I’m stressed. Could I talk to you?” thingy before and all I’ve gotten is “…oh. um. I’m busy right now. maybe another time?” ANOTHER TIME??? no! I want to talk NOW. But yes of course, let me accommodate your schedule. Thanks for your concern.

Common Courtesies

I firmly believe in the basic courtesies of life. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ and all that jazz. Say you called me. You say you’re in town and want to see me. We pick a day. You are supposed to call me so we’ll figure out logistics. You don’t call. Still not calling. Never call. I txt you. No answer. I make other plans with other people. Yet, I still check my cell every hour to see if you called. I knew we wouldn’t hang out. Anticipated it. But you should at least call to say you made other plans. It’s not the fact that I didn’t see you. It’s that you didn’t bother to call.

It happened once 1 wk ago. Happened again tonite. Gee thanks for your fucking courtesy.

UPDATE: I’m a bad bad person.  I judge too soon.  Got txt from IndieBoy today saying “trying to get people together to drive into the city.” Oh. Damn fucking phone! I never get txts, voicemails, internet… and the alarm doesn’t work. Fuck razor.

I facebooked you!

No knocks to Cute Jewess here or anything, but something she said made me think.  We really are a society devoted to our technology.

P.S. I was so good and patient yesterday and didn’t text, email, or call The Crush once. -CJ

When we crush… we’re flirting in person, on the cell, thru texts, thru emails, and on instant messenger.  You can’t go anywhere in your daily life without the full ability to somehow contact him.  It’s amazing.  How on earth did people get by without cells or the internet?? You’d have to spend hours upon hours analyzing everything he said/you said until the next time you meet.  No 1am drunken texts from the bars.  No quick “i’m on break. just wanted to know if you’re free tonite” calls.  No msgs or emails of “i miss you.”

It’s even worse now with myspace, facebook, and google.  I’ve never gotten into myspace, but I’m on facebook.  The amount of stalking that goes on everyday with that thing is astonishing.  10 mins and you can name off their hometown, favorite bands, best friends, acquaintances, childhood imaginary friends… okay maybe not that. You can look at picture after picture after picture of them doing dumbshit stuff with crazy friends and drinking themselves into a stupor.  Facebook and google are now VERBS!  “Oh yea i facebooked him yesterday… did you see his new girlfriend?!”

It’s interesting even with google now.  What was just another search engine (I know that’s vastly underestimating it) is now an amazing tool for finding out all printed information about the latest whos who.  There was just an article in the latest Tatler magazine about it.  Britain’s high society of is obsessed with googling their newest acquaintances on their phones under dinner tables at charity this charity that to know who to suck up to the most. Ridic! Googling my most recent crush… turns out he was vp of his senior class in high school and makes deans list every year in college.  Not the type of information that comes up in normal conversation but tells you a ton about the person.

hmpf. must retreat from comp. feeling too overly stalkerish.

procrastinating

oi! kill me. sitting at a cafe pretending to do hw. sucky. happy good friday.
IndieBoy called yesterday - completely randomly. It pretty much made my day. He was just calling because he’s in town over Easter, and as tomorrow is his birthday, wanted to let me know he and friends are going out tomorrow nite either here or in another city about 20mins south. I would LOVE to go. But how awkward could that be?! I barely know a few of his friends and none of our mutual friends are going. I’m planning on dragging my best friend along if I go. Idk. All I know is that yesterday I was on cloud 9 daydreaming about how wonderful it would be if he (in his drunken state) would confess that he still really liked me. As amazingly wonderful as that would be… very very unlikely. I just need to get over him. Why is he so hard to get over? Because he fits everything I’m looking for. Plus his stellar taste in music is majorly attractive… damnit

UPDATE:  He never called to tell me what city.  I don’t care if he went to the other one. I figured he would. I ended up going out with friends anyway. But I txted him and he never responded. So what if we don’t hang out. At least let me know what the plan is. pissed.

I’m just not qualified for anything.