First Day of the End….

I’m loving this video… and feel a little guilty for it. But then again, who doesn’t wish bad things on exes… *wink* Lilly Allen’s songs are a bit too much pop for my taste, but her lyrics are well worth a listen. Also check out LDN and Little Things.

Lilly Allen “Smile”

First day is INCREDIBLY HARD!!! I only have 2 classes MWF and 4 on TTH which is alright I guess. I’ve just come back from my first French class with Connor. omg. Kill me now. He is soooo amazing and cool! We spent the whole class today introducing ourselves and talking about ourselves. It was horrible. I got through the basic introduction part ok.
Je m’appelle Grace.
Je suis etudiant.
J’aime le football.
Je deteste les frois.
But then he goes and asks me why I’m here if I hate the cold. shit shit shit! I could not for the life of me remember how to say “I live in *city*” or “I’m from here” or ANYTHING. I totally froze. So much so that I couldn’t even think past “I’m from *city*” nothing like “I hate hot weather more…” nothing. lol. I was so flustered. lol

So yea. I had no clue he was going to say everything in French. Granted I understood most of what he said, but I’m a thinker. I can’t just respond or anything until I’ve fully understood the question and written down my answer. lol. yea I’m a nut. I talked to him after class and am going to review some of the previous chapters so I’m prepared for tomorrow.

Can you tell I’m freaking out about this? lol. I need to figure out my skype so I can call one of my friends who is currently studying in Lille, France. Its been ages since I’ve talked to her (aka last wk - she called a few drinks into the night). Maybe she could help me a bit with my impromptu conversation French…

I can’t believe it’s the first day of the last semester of my life!!!

mars & venus

My last day of working over break! Woo! It looks like it will be an eventful day - already there was a coffee crisis in the break room. 6 women standing around looking concerned at the empty coffee pot… Woe is me! Oh whatever shall we do!?! So we did what we always do in dire situations like these. We call a man.

The funny thing is, despite our constant protest of independence, we still like to be able to depend on men. Now before the feminists all search me out to behead me in the name of liberty, let me explain. I’m not saying all women are like this, but many of those I come into contact with in my day-to-day are. We do enjoy being free to do what we want. However, there are times when it is just easier to call a man to the job. Yea. I could prolly have taken 5mins to figure that coffeemaker out. But when someone else can do it…?

For years there was this idealistic movement that women do not belong in the home. They should work and play like men “because we are equals.” We can agree ’til our voices are gone about that. Beyond that though, there appears to be a bit of a return to the traditional ideas of strong men and dependent women. The women in the break room today were all strong intelligent individuals. Anyone of them could have taken care of the problem. It’s just nice to look to a guy sometimes. 

Many women now balance the home/kids/career life. Isn’t it nice though to sometimes just lean on a man? To feel safe knowing he’s there to protect you? It isn’t about who brings home the $$$ or who takes care of the kids. It’s about being able to take care of someone and have them take care of you.

Acceptance

*SIGH*

Kill me now. Or save me. Your choice. I’m at work again and bored out of my mind. I know I shouldn’t be slacking off at work but there is so little to do! All I have for today and tomorrow, aside from the usual, is this law poster project one of the HR girls handed-off to me. I can see why she did. It’s just about the most confusing and tedious tasks ever created.

I’m just desperate for human interaction right now. You’d think working as the receptionist would give me lots of visitors and phone calls etc. Nope.

I’ve already tried all other sources of entertainment:
– meebo - no one online
– email - nothing new since 5mins ago
– pandora - no speakers
– txting - ran out of things to talk about…

All I’m left with is my brain… drifting uselessly between overanalyzing and chiding myself for overanalyzing.

I think I might (finally) have come to the point of acceptance with IndieGuy. I’ve know forever that something never really could happen between us. That might be a reason I pushed him away - one of many. I just dispise missed opportunities, and I definately feel that was one. It really isnt logical. I never see him during the year as his school is 4 hrs from mine, and we only got together once over break with a bunch of people because he lost his license. He says he’ll see me over spring break, but even that is doubtful. He still won’t have his license even then - not ’til April. This summer I move 2hrs away… right after graduation. I’m excited, but at the same time, it’ll be sad. I’ve been hanging out with most of the same people for the last 6-7 yrs. I’m rather attached.

I can kind of tell I’m over him though - thank God! Here’s the tell: I’ve started daydreaming about him. I never allow myself to daydream about a guy I like. Don’t think I’m crazy! I have good reasoning behind it. Every guy I daydreamed about in high school I created into this amazing wonderful guy who is absolutely perfect for me in every way. Ever since then I avoid then doing this to guys I like because if I imagine him different than he is… I don’t actually like him - just my image of him. So now, everytime I begin to daydream about a guy… I realize I must not like him anymore.

After all, what guy can compare to daydreams of reckless rebellion and intrigue???

can you tell i’m bored?

Your Brain’s Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you’re hard to read, but that’s because you’re so internally focused. But when you do share what you’re thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Rather accurate I’m afraid… Prolly not the best pattern for trying to meet new people. God! I’m so bored! Christmas break is just days from over, and it can’t come soon enough. I’ve gotten very little internet time since coming home and it’s killing me.

Plus - only to make matters worse, I’ve been without* my music! I never really realized just how dependent on my music I am. Workouts have become a chore, the hours spent at work grow longer and longer… everything seems so silent. On the flipside, without my ipod plugged in at all times, I’ve discovered I’m deaf. Well, maybe not deaf, but people have to repeat themselves several times for me just for me to notice they’re talking.

Found a new blog to add to my reading list. Woe to the authors who haunted my past - Nix, Austen, Tolkien, Hugo - but it’s definatly worth checking out. Wendy’s Mighty Minutiae

You Are a Punk Rocker!

When it comes to rock, you don’t follow any rules You know that rocking out is all about taking down the man You’ve got an incredible stage presence and rock persona You scare moms, make bad boys swoon, and live life on the edge!

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

hmmm… I guess that works. I’m more into alt/indie/rock but hey anything but britney. I hate the radio. On the topic of music I went into a huge discussion in my other journal** on my apparent attraction to guys based on their music. Will have to go deeper in this later when actually have time.

You Are 68% Cynical

You’re a full blown cynic… and probably even skeptical of these results. You have your optimistic moments, but most likely you keep them to yourself.

How Cynical Are You?

You Are 62% Evil

You are very evil. And you’re too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

Now that’s just scary. I dont really find myself intimidating. Most people dont know about the things I’ve done.

You Are 22% Open

You are open at times, but generally you don’t let many people into your inner world. It’s possible that you have a friend or two that knows you well. But to most people, you are a total mystery.

How Open Are You?

Okay. Enough already. I’m boring myself now. Gonna go catch some Law&Order or Monk or something. Would kill for some House reruns right now. ANYTHING

* recently lost my ipod.
** can’t seem to detach from my paper journal. been keeping one for years… plus loss of regular access to internet…