Homesick

Have you ever felt homesick for a place you don’t belong to? It’s been almost 5 months since I returned to the states, but I still think of London as home. Crazy. I was afraid before I left for the city that I might get there and find it had none of the charm I had assigned to it in all my dreams and fantasies. Instead, it has more magic than I could have ever imagined. Walk the city at night. Alone. It is’t as scary as you might think so long as you stay to more popular streets. My last night there was the first I ever noticed that from the steps in Trafalgar Square you can actually see Big Ben. God I miss it.

death & funerals

i haven’t mourned for my aunt yet. i think i’ll just stash it away til i forget the pain of death and can only remember her for how she lived. i’d hate to have everyone’s last sight of me in a casket. i want to be remember for how i was when i was alive; not for how i looked at my funeral. f*** funerals. funerals are not for the dead but for the living. it’s crap. i’d rather a party thrown in my honor. true irish wake. stories and guinness. none of this solemnness.

Missed Opportunities

Why is it everytime I try to forget you… that’s when you act like it’s still the summer, and we flirt like we used to. I was literally just thinking about you, and out of nowhere you aim me.

IndieGuy: hi
Me: hey
Me: how are you
IndieGuy: good
IndieGuy: you
IndieGuy: sex
IndieGuy: right now
Me: lol excuse me?
IndieGuy: haha
IndieGuy: damn
Me: is this really IndieGuy? how drunk are you?
IndieGuy: i was expecting a more crazy reaction
Me: lol well i couldnt exactly type that
Me:
IndieGuy: naughty
Me: we never drank together this summer. we should reunion soon in madtown.

…And then he never responds…. Why do you do this? I think you know I still like you. For some reason there are only a few guys I’ve never been able to get over, and they’ve been recent. I’m pathetic. I only want what I cant have. Is that it? I dont know. I don’t know anything anymore. All I know is that I miss you. Everyday I walk passed that restaurant you took me to for our date - our only 2 real dates. Everyday I see it. Everytime I think of you. Everytime I wish you were here, that I wasn’t so nervous, that you’d made a move, that you’d tell me you miss me like I miss you… The only reason I feel this way is because you treated me like no one ever has. You liked me from the start. You gave me shit about everything. You treated me like an equal yet you took the traditional role; in driving me everywhere, being sweet and funny. I’m the one that messed up.

I guess I was more right than I realized when I said I dont do relationships.

long long weekend

…sadly, i got sunburned. omg y m keyorad is sychopbnothing is orkingw i fee lik t it got stuck n “pig latin” mode orsomethin. WTFg migiel

facebooked

Oh hilarious! So random Puerto Rican asked me to be his friend on Facebook. What? psh. I’ve never met a Puerto Rican guy… or so I thought. So before agreeing I messaged him asking how I knew him. Apparently, we met at The Gardening Club in London… lol. yea. met. Oh well, at least he’s cute. So even in my drunken stupor I found good-looking men to makeout with! lol. …gonna have to update that makeout list…

Job Search

…so I’m kinda freaking out a bit, as I always do when I start thinking about graduating and getting a job. I’m psyched about it, don’t get me wrong. I’m ready to graduate college. I’m just not sure how to get a job. I don’t know if I’m proactive enough to find the right opportunities.

Met with the career services people tonight for a formal ‘Introduction to Life After College.’ It was informative… but the same information as always. Everytime I meet with them I hear, “Oh good for you! Graduating early! Check out these websites.” What? Check out these websites? That’s how you find a job? What about networking? How do I learn to network? I’m so lost. Marketing and sales tend to go hand-in-hand… so often you hear of people who graduated with a degree or interest in marketing but started in sales. I have no confidence in myself in sales. Oh, I can be a very persuasive person - but I don’t like pushing products or services - especially cold-calling. *shudder*

I know there must be jobs out there for entry-level marketing assistant type people…. but how to find them??? save me! And they tell me I’m supposed to spend 1.5hrs a week actively job searching… that’s a good chunk of my free time - time spent with friends. The rest of the time I’m busting my butt studying for these damn classes because I was a dumb enough shit to try to take on 20 credits - cramming my hardest classes all into one semester. kill me.

postsecret

So my housemates and I are pretty addicted to postsecret. When I read the new ones each Sunday I’m tempted to send one in. I can’t seem to bring myself to it though. I don’t know how I’d feel if it got lost in the mail and never posted… Besides, what if my friends read it and knew it was me?